This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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