We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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