So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
