I'm jealous of your bromance
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
