WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
