My hand turned me down
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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