i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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