Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
