I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
