She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
3pm strippers are depressing
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize