Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
