i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm just crazy horny about you
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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