party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize