Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
