Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize