I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
