i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
