OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
