Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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