We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize