Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
