Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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