i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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