Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
