So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
