I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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