Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
