I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
