You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
