So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
