i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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