Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize