smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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