This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
