wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
