I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
