Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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