my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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