So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
