loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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