Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
