Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Text me some of your sweat
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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