last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
