they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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