everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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