He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
