I wish life had little blips of pornography
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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