Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
