Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
