dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
