She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
