so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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