His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
