oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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