if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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