My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
