if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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