i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
