I'm eating all of the evidence.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
