DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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