I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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