rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
