I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize