We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
