I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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