There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
