Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
