Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
