so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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