i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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