I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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