Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Randomize
