I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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