I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
