Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Are my feet made of real feet?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
