Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
