I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
