im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the condom got lost in my hair
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
