A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
