everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
