I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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