READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
