you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize