Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize