Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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