I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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