Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize